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Here’s Why Many Single Women Have a Thing for Married Men A look at the flip side of the Ashley Madison debacle. Kaitlin Menza September 1, 2015

In 1972, sociologist Jessie Bernard made a big splash by declaring that there are “his and hers” marriages—and that his is typically better. Now, about 45 years later, it is still a part of our conventional wisdom that women fare better single while men are better off married.

Since Bernard published her book, there have been thousands, if not tens of thousands, of studies on marriage. To know definitively what the research really says about sex differences, we would need to see a meta-analysis—a review that statistically combines the results of every relevant study that has ever been conducted. There is no such up-to-date review, and even if there was, it would have problems, because many of the studies are deeply flawed.

What I offer here is just a sample of what some of the research shows. Remember that results of studies are always averages, and do not capture the experiences of everyone. My conclusions should be considered suggestive rather than definitive.

When my marriage ended 11 years ago, I went online. I hadn't dated in over 20 years. I never liked bars. All of my friends were married. But with 87 million singles in the United States and nearly 40 million dating online, it seemed a good way to meet someone. So I signed up for Match.com , which has more than 21.5 million subscribers.

I received 350 emails in a month. One woman wrote me, "Unlike Popeye, I am NOT what I am but if nothing else I am kind and compassionate and to top it off I am interesting and exciting." None of the women on Match were boring. They loved to ski, surf, go to the theater, travel to exotic places, go for walks on the beach, run marathons and read.

No one said they liked to stay home. Dr. Philip Muskin , Professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center , is not surprised. "People present themselves in the best light online," he said. "No one is going to respond to someone who says they are a couch potato and likes to stay home."

In addition to Matt Lauer interviewing Dina Matos on Today this morning about New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s prostitution sting scandal, they also brought in a panel of experts (Dr. Laura Schlessinger, anthropologist Helen Fisher, and psychologist Jeff Gardere) to examine why men cheat. (Men in general as well as men in high places.)

They focused on men because they’re more inclined to do it than women. The statistic they presented was that one in five married men have cheated. (Compared to only 12 percent of married women having cheated.)

So why is it men are more prone to it? Is there a reason? The panelists discussed several contributing factors that could be to blame.

You need to pick some better friends and get away from people like these women. It is more likely that they will ruin you than it is that you will make them better. Next, and I do not mean to be rude, but have you ever noticed that you cannot tell a female anything or show her anything which she does not want to see or admit or deal with, no matter how wrong she is or how right you are? These girls like the thought of a married man, that way they can be safe. They get what they want, have to deal with nothing close to the demands they would have to meet in a real relationship and they can be irresponsible and care free. Add to that, they can be viewed as the victim by many, which suits them just fine. There is nothing wrong with being judgmental, so do not buy into that nonsense. Being judgmental means that you know right from wrong, have standards and morals. Hey, you and your friends both would tell their kids to stay away from drug dealer or others which you find objectionable, right? So is that not being just as judgmental? Of course it is. Your friends know they are wrong. They do not mind being wrong so long as they do not have to hear they are, face they are or deal with the fact that they are wrong and immoral. They are like so many today. They dont mind being wrong, they just dont want to be called wrong or bad or pay the price for it.

in time will reveal themselves to be negative reasons. Why? Because their intensity won t last and you ll have caused so much destruction in their pursuit.

( NOTE: To discover how to get over a married guy you are thinking of dating and remove all emotional ties to him, check out my book THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology ).

Dating a married man and being made a fool of: He may reassure you that he loves you, that you re better then his wife and points out what a good time you re having together etc but in reality - he s still with his spouse! Words are easier than actions and when push comes to shove the majority of married men want to stay with the stability of married life as the alternative means lots of things change and not necessarily for the better. He may lose his house, easy access to his children, part of his wages to alimony etc.

Married women are the wonderful specie of women who know exactly what they want, either in the bedroom or outside of it. They have had years, sometimes months of experience under their belt and that comes in handy when needed. Some men like that a lot. There is no dilly dally here, they know their own mind and that helps make the choices easier to make for the man. But why bother guys?

The usual frustrations that go with dating a single woman will largely not be there with the married woman. Problems are solved quickly, in fact there will likely be no problem as the time spent together is short and should there ever be issues, you can be sure that a cold war will not follow. You will always be happy together. You will never get affected by her mood swings, because she will not have any with you and she will always appear sweet and romantic with you.

I might have hinted about it before but the plain truth is, there are single men who like to power trip. They actively seek out married women to date because these women are both unavailable and unattainable. It seems wrong to steal another man’s woman but it can feel so right for some single men. As said earlier, it is the thrill of the hunt, which makes all the difference. And it’s about male competitiveness -a man may actually brag about his conquests with his friends and how he pities, or ridicules, the unsuspecting husband.

The word "marriage" sometimes is a word that guys are afraid of. for some odd reason. They re scared of commitment. of sticking with one person for the rest of their lives. I guess it doesn t matter what the guy s age is. Age doesn t show maturity apparently. I m sorry you had to go through a lot of crap. But it s good that you got the strength to end it. I too got the strength to end a long-term relationship. He actually promised me the world. he was going to marry me and then I found pictures of him all over another girl. It hurt like hell. and I knew I had to end it. I m only like half your age. but I hope I can still help. It s good you realized he wasn t worth staying with you. He will realize he made the biggest mistake of his life. It s HIS loss and not yours. And don t feel stupid. because you DIDN T waste your time. Atleast you learned a lot from your relationship and it didn t go to waste at all if you think about it. God doesn t take something away without giving you something better.

I use to be the kind of lady who didn t date men with children(I have 2). The reason I didn t date them because when i had dated them in the past I found out that they are still involved with the BMs. BMs are very manipulating because they will say they won t let the father s see the kids unless the two of them are involved. But now I ve grown up to know that it s a person type of things. A man is going to cheat if he wants to and he s going to be faithful when he wants to so it has nothing to do with kids. Matter of fact i find that man with kids is better because he knows more than a man who has no experience with children.

Sasha Brown-Worsham has written for dozens of publications over the course of her years as a journalist and blogger. She lives outside NYC with her three children, husband, and multiple pets. She is working on her first novel.

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